A Darker Impulse

kelseysayssalutations asked: I need a life.

And I need more hours in the day to sleep.

kelseysayssalutations asked: DON'T JUDGE MY TUMBLR EXPLOSIONS. THIS IS TUMBLR. U NO JUDGE.

Quite the contrary. I judge all of the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

adarkerimpulse asked: What is color of the yellow?

Space.

kelseysayssalutations asked: I FORGOT TO BRING SPYRO. I HAVE FAILED.

Yes.

Yes you have.

I dropped into my chair, and slumped down. I wasn’t feeling great. Right after what had happened, I just went to my room. I couldn’t put up with it anymore. Despite the festivities, and happiness, I felt crushingly depressed. It always happens to me. I spun myself around in the chair, and finally got up from it and laid down on my couch. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything. I just wanted to lay down and sleep off my sadness. Suddenly, however, I heard my door open. I sat up quickly, and listened as footsteps began, and got closer, until she entered my sight.

“Are you alright?” she asked me, with a hint of worry. I waved for her to sit down with me, and said, “No.”

“Well, what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting across from me.

“I’m just not feeling that well,” I said, standing up to pace. That was something I did frequently, too. Never getting a moments rest.

“It sounds like there’s more to it than just that,” she said, “Tell me.”

I turned to her. She looked almost pleading. It just made me feel worse. I walked over, nearly dragging my feet, and sat down next to her. She rested her hand on my back, and her other on my bicep.

“I just…” I started, but I immediately hid my face in my hands, trying to think. I felt embarrassed, because I didn’t feel like it was a real problem. I felt like I was just sad. And that was it.

“What? Come on; It’s alright to tell me,” she said.

I paused, again. I collected my thoughts, then I spoke.

“I just feel like I didn’t do something right,” I said, rising my face from my hands, “Like, some where down the line, I screwed up somehow.”

“Where do you feel like you screwed up?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, and I began to stare at the floor, “…And that’s the worst part.”

“It can’t possibly have been that bad!” she said, “I doubt many people could have done what you did, and if you had screwed something up… I don’t know if you would have been able to do it.”

“It’s just that I have this feeling that somewhere, I did something wrong. And it’s bothering me now, because every one is so happy about it, and I’m not sure if it’s something to be happy about…”

“They’re celebrating with you, for your accomplishment,” she said, “You shouldn’t be sad about it. You achieved it.”

I leaned back on the couch, and folded my hands behind my head.

“…Yeah,” I said, “But I think back at all the things I did that I should not have done… Like, not doing homework, slacking off, and being a real ass to some people… I don’t know. I feel like maybe something would be different.”

She wrapped her arms around me, and kissed my cheek, and said, “Well, no, you probably should not have done those things, but you learned from them. And maybe it’s because you learned from those things that you’re here, now.”

I turned to her, and I smiled. It was a sincere smile. One that came from my heart, and it was because I was happy. It was real, this time. My eyes even started watering up.

“Thanks,” I said, grinning. She grinned back, and giggling, she kissed me again. We both got up, and we went back outside. She was right: in a way, all my mistakes, my failures, brought me here.